WHY AM I AFRAID TO SPAEAK IN PUBLIC

“My father was a very respected orthodontist. All of my colleagues new him and thought very highly of him.………He was a very accomplished man Of course he was very critical and tough on me ……….I felt so inadequate next to him. I really feel it when I am at a meeting with other professionals. I know people are looking at me and comparing me to my father and I feel so demolished, I become speechless”

                                                                                                                          Philip Orthodontist

DISCIPLINE OR ABUSE

Verbal pounding is not considered child abuse nor does it fall into the category of criminal neglect. No person from Social Services will show up to investigate a parent who calls his child “stupid” or “lazy” every day. Yet this is psychological abuse.  This insulting  way of  communicating with a child destroys  self esteem and confidence, making any kind of public performance an ordeal, if not a devastating experience

“I went to a very strict school” “Children should be seen and not heard,” “ was the prevailing philosophy. We were discouraged from speaking up in class unless we were asked a direct question. In the beginning I was very out going, but I was punished so many times for speaking up, that I became very quiet.”

There is no escape. The incidents where one is required to make some sort of an appearance under the glare of public scrutiny are everywhere. While the necessity of performing has never been greater, the number of people suffering from performance anxiety and fear of speaking in public has grown to epidemic proportions.

    Many people try to explore this problem in therapy, hoping that with a proper understanding of how the phobia developed it will eventually leave. The results are disappointing because a phobia, a response of the autonomic nervous system, cannot be eliminated by sitting in a chair and talking about it. 

     Trying desperately to hide the inability to speak in public  so it does not seem to intrude or disrupt their lives, people manage to cope, very often to become successful in their careers. However when the opportunity arises to do a presentation, the situation becomes a nightmare. One TalkPower student introduced herself as the head of a large government agency. ”I enhance the careers of my  staff. How? When I am asked to do a presentation I give it to one of my staff members and so in this way I enhance their careers".

Many of my clients and students blame themselves. They feel that there is definitely something wrong with them, like a birth defect. The fact is no healthy baby is born with an inhibition. Babies cry when they are tired, wet, hungry and whatever else displeases them. Babies have no problem expressing themselves. Think! When  was your expression crushed? Who do you think made you afraid? Unfortunately, knowing how you developed this problem will not help you to get rid of it .There is an exemption to this rule .And that is in the case of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome .(People who never had a problem speaking in public who suddenly find one day that they have a panic attack or other such reaction to having to do a presentation )About 25 percent of my students and clients fall unto this PTS  category .I will discuss this in a future  blog.The remedy is exactly the same as it is for people who have had at the problem all of their lives . Read on. 

                                   MISSING PERFORMANCE SKILLS 

Instead of thinking of your fear of speaking in public as a sick psychological syndrome let’s look at this condition not as a phobia but as  as a skills deficit. That’s right .You have never developed " performance skills" so you avoid opportunities to speak in public because  you fall apart in front of an audience. Why? Because so much pressure of one kind or another was put upon you  in the past,  that you developed a super sensitivity to being looked at. And now you can't stand being the center of attention. This is not the end of the story ! The good news is that  there is a method for training you  to develop performance skills  so that  when people are looking at you"PERFORMANCE SKILLS"  give  your brain  the neural patterns (skills) for holding on to your concentration. That means that you are able to focus on what you have to say and not on the audience and what they think of you. Amazing as it sounds  with the right kind of training you can  look forward to being proud and happy to speak in public. Join the many thousands of professionals  who have found their voice through Talkpower Training . (see Talkpower Inc.com)

Performance Anxiety Appears in Many Situations 

.   Presenting a formal speech in front of an audience.

.  Meeting around a table

.  In a circle where you have to introduce yourself

.  A job interview

.  Speaking to the press

.  Accepting an award

.  Making a toast

.  Asking or answering a question in class

.  Reading in a church or synagogue

.  Playing golf tennis or any spectator sport

.  Acting in a play

.  An audition

.  Playing a musical instrument

.  Being photographed or videoed

.  Walking down in aisle at a wedding

.  Being paged when you’re  name is called and having to stand up and walk

.  Appearing in court as a witness or as an attorney

.  Delivering a eulogy

.  Speaking at a PTA meting or a board meeting

.   A dance concerts

There are so many situations where you become self-conscious because you are the center of attention. In all of these scenarios, if you fear that you are going to be judged, you are no longer in a safe place like a conversation with friends of colleagues. Your mind jumps to thoughts about what the other person or people think of you and what you are saying .It becomes very personal. My clients and students have the following thoughts at this moment of high visibility.   

NASTY SELF TALK

.  I am so boring

.  My voice is wobbly/monotonous

.  They see right through me

.  They don’t like me

.  I look old

.  I look fat

.  I feel so embarrassed and humiliated

.  I didn’t do enough research

.  My presentation is a mess

.  I am going to get killed in the Q and A

   (You get the idea)

   The following list describes the various conditioning factors that that I have discovered result in a fear of public speaking. 

.   Authoritarian parents

.   Abusive parents

.   Overly critical parents or teachers

.   Perfectionist parents or teachers

.   Obsessive parental focus on child’s behavior

.   Depressed parents

.   Parents addicted to drugs or alcohol

.   Jealous older brother or sister

.   Shaming relatives, neighbors, teachers etc.

.   Bullying

.   Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (I will discuss this in another blog)

   Public speaking phobia can also be caused by negative attention that one receives because of characteristics that are different.

.   Large nose                                           .   Over weight /Underweight

.   Skin condition                                     .    Foreign accent

.   Too short/too tall                                 .    Unsuitable attire

.   Large breasts                                       .    Small or no breasts

.   Racial /religious difference                  .   Different sexual orientation

                                       THIS BARES REPEATING 

Instead of thinking about your fear of speaking in public as a sick psychological syndrome let’s look at your phobia  as a skills deficit. That’s right .You are missing" performance skills" so you avoid opportunities to speak in public because  you fall apart in front of an audience. Why? Because so much pressure of one kind or another was put upon you at some time in the past,  that you developed a super sensitivity to being looked at. And now you can't stand being the center of attention. This is not the end of the story ! The good news is that  there is a method for training you to develop performance skills  so that  when people are looking at you, you have 55 the neural patterns (skills) for holding on to your concentration. That means that you are able to focus on what you have to say and not on the audience and what they think of you .Amazing as it sounds  with the right kind of training you can  look forward to being proud and happy to speak in public. Join the many thousands of professionals  who have found their voice through Talkpower Training . (see Talkpower Inc.com)