I feel very
damaged…like I have a major handicap when I stand in front of other people and
have to speak. I am like a non-person.
-Arthur
Trapped---Silent---blaming themselves, phobic speakers hide
among us. Millions of people are so afraid of public exposure that they invent
the most bizarre excuses to avoid speaking in public. Accidents, dead
relatives, illnesses, robberies, and cutting class, serve to avoid the dreadful
task. These people have a common despair, yet do not know one another and have
no idea that so many others suffer as they do. Many other groups come out,
talking openly about their problems. People in 12 step programs, for example,
find support and dignity by telling their stories. They have learned the
healing power of sharing and do not avoid speaking out. However, those with
public speaking phobia would be horrified by the idea, they have a terrible
need for secrecy. Memories of past denigration are so painful that they are
paralyzed by shame. Avoiding the natural
impulse to reach out, they do not ask for help. Embarrassed they withdraw and
remain silent.
Donald, a workshop participant, introduced himself as a
nuclear engineer. He mentioned that he had an identical twin brother. Donald’s
fear of public speaking was so intense that he found himself literally hiding
from his manager on the days of the month when summary presentations were made.
Later when I asked if his brother had the same problem, Donald said he did not
know. So deep was his shame that he had never even shared his problem with his
twin brother.
This story is typical. To avoid public speaking speech
phobic clients turn down jobs, promotions, invitations to chair meetings, to
teach, to make a toast, even to accept an award. One CEO of a major corporation
told me sadly that he had been invited to speak all over the world but could
never go. Another man fainted when he was nominated for prestigious award. So
terrible was his anxiety about standing up to receive his award in public.
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