“My father was a very respected orthodontist. All
of my colleagues new him and thought very highly of him.………He was a very
accomplished man Of course he was very critical and tough on me ……….I felt so
inadequate next to him. I really feel it when I am at a meeting with other
professionals. I know people are looking at me and comparing me to my father
and I feel so demolished, I become speechless”
Philip Orthodontist
DISCIPLINE OR ABUSE
Verbal pounding is not considered child abuse nor
does it fall into the category of criminal neglect. No person from Social
Services will show up to investigate a parent who calls his child “stupid” or
“lazy” every day. Yet this is psychological abuse. This insulting
way of communicating with a child destroys self esteem and
confidence, making any kind of public performance an ordeal, if not a
devastating experience
“I went to a very strict school” “Children should
be seen and not heard,” “ was the prevailing philosophy. We were discouraged
from speaking up in class unless we were asked a direct question. In the
beginning I was very out going, but I was punished so many times for speaking
up, that I became very quiet.”
There is no escape. The incidents where one is
required to make some sort of an appearance under the glare of public scrutiny
are everywhere. While the necessity of performing has never been greater, the
number of people suffering from performance anxiety and fear of speaking in
public has grown to epidemic proportions.
Many people try to explore
this problem in therapy, hoping that with a proper understanding of how the
phobia developed it will eventually leave. The results are disappointing
because a phobia, a response of the autonomic nervous system, cannot be
eliminated by sitting in a chair and talking about it.
Trying desperately to
hide the inability to speak in public so it does not seem to intrude
or disrupt their lives, people manage to cope, very often to become successful
in their careers. However when the opportunity arises to do a presentation, the
situation becomes a nightmare. One TalkPower student introduced herself as the
head of a large government agency. ”I enhance the careers of my staff.
How? When I am asked to do a presentation I give it to one of my staff members
and so in this way I enhance their careers".
Many of my clients and students blame themselves.
They feel that there is definitely something wrong with them, like a birth
defect. The fact is no healthy baby is born with an inhibition. Babies cry when
they are tired, wet, hungry and whatever else displeases them. Babies have no
problem expressing themselves. Think! When was your expression crushed?
Who do you think made you afraid? Unfortunately, knowing how you developed this
problem will not help you to get rid of it .There is an exemption to this rule
.And that is in the case of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome .(People who never
had a problem speaking in public who suddenly find one day that they have a
panic attack or other such reaction to having to do a presentation )About 25 percent
of my students and clients fall unto this PTS category .I will discuss
this in a future blog.The remedy is exactly the same as it is for people
who have had at the problem all of their lives . Read on.
MISSING PERFORMANCE SKILLS
Instead of thinking of your fear of speaking in
public as a sick psychological syndrome let’s look at this condition not as a
phobia but as as a skills deficit. That’s right .You have never developed
" performance skills" so you avoid opportunities to speak in public
because you fall apart in front of an audience. Why? Because so much
pressure of one kind or another was put upon you in the past, that
you developed a super sensitivity to being looked at. And now you can't stand
being the center of attention. This is not the end of the story ! The good news
is that there is a method for training you to develop performance
skills so that when people are looking at you"PERFORMANCE
SKILLS" give your brain the neural patterns (skills) for
holding on to your concentration. That means that you are able to focus on what
you have to say and not on the audience and what they think of you. Amazing as
it sounds with the right kind of training you can look forward to
being proud and happy to speak in public. Join the many thousands of
professionals who have found their voice through Talkpower Training .
(see Talkpower Inc.com)
Performance Anxiety Appears in Many
Situations
. Presenting a formal speech in front
of an audience.
. Meeting around a table
. In a circle where you have to introduce
yourself
. A job interview
. Speaking to the press
. Accepting an award
. Making a toast
. Asking or answering a question in class
. Reading in a church or synagogue
. Playing golf tennis or any spectator sport
. Acting in a play
. An audition
. Playing a musical instrument
. Being photographed or videoed
. Walking down in aisle at a wedding
. Being paged when you’re name is
called and having to stand up and walk
. Appearing in court as a witness or as an
attorney
. Delivering a eulogy
. Speaking at a PTA meting or a board meeting
. A dance concerts
There are so many situations where you become
self-conscious because you are the center of attention. In all of these
scenarios, if you fear that you are going to be judged, you are no longer in a
safe place like a conversation with friends of colleagues. Your mind jumps to
thoughts about what the other person or people think of you and what you are
saying .It becomes very personal. My clients and students have the following
thoughts at this moment of high visibility.
NASTY SELF TALK
. I am so boring
. My voice is wobbly/monotonous
. They see right through me
. They don’t like me
. I look old
. I look fat
. I feel so embarrassed and humiliated
. I didn’t do enough research
. My presentation is a mess
. I am going to get killed in the Q and A
(You get the idea)
The following list describes the
various conditioning factors that that I have discovered result in a fear of
public speaking.
. Authoritarian parents
. Abusive parents
. Overly critical parents or teachers
. Perfectionist parents or teachers
. Obsessive parental focus on child’s
behavior
. Depressed parents
. Parents addicted to drugs or alcohol
. Jealous older brother or sister
. Shaming relatives, neighbors,
teachers etc.
. Bullying
. Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (I
will discuss this in another blog)
Public speaking phobia can also be
caused by negative attention that one receives because of characteristics that
are different.
. Large nose
. Over weight
/Underweight
. Skin
condition
. Foreign accent
. Too short/too tall
. Unsuitable
attire
. Large
breasts
. Small or no breasts
. Racial /religious difference
. Different
sexual orientation
THIS BARES REPEATING
Instead of thinking about your fear of speaking in
public as a sick psychological syndrome let’s look at your phobia as a
skills deficit. That’s right .You are missing" performance skills" so
you avoid opportunities to speak in public because you fall apart in
front of an audience. Why? Because so much pressure of one kind or another was
put upon you at some time in the past, that you developed a super
sensitivity to being looked at. And now you can't stand being the center of
attention. This is not the end of the story ! The good news is that there
is a method for training you to develop performance skills so that
when people are looking at you, you have 55 the neural patterns (skills)
for holding on to your concentration. That means that you are able to focus on
what you have to say and not on the audience and what they think of you
.Amazing as it sounds with the right kind of training you can look
forward to being proud and happy to speak in public. Join the many thousands of
professionals who have found their voice through Talkpower Training .
(see Talkpower Inc.com)
