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Showing posts with label Anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anxiety. Show all posts
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Saturday, August 22, 2015
The Likability Factor
I frequently ask my TalkPower client “ what is your personal
objective in giving a presentation?” The answer usually is: to communicate a
message, to sell a product, to convince them to do something, to unite people,
and other variations on these themes. The answers are usually about the speech,
never about the speaker. From my point of view, the most important personal
objective is to be likeable. By this
I mean general impression of confidence, ease, credibility, and warmth you
project so that people feel comfortable with you.
Likeability happens when you are in control of yourself.
Then you are able to be clear, not talk too fast, and your words flow with
ease. A likeable speaker has a much better chance of getting an idea across,
selling a product, convincing people to vote for him, and certainly winning an
election. Our resent history abounds with stories of politicians who seemingly
came out of nowhere to capture the public vote simply because people “like
them.” I could go on and on, but you get the idea.
Now, the reason I make such a fuss about this likeability
notion is because so many people secretly believe that before they have a right
to ask others to listen to them, they have to be brilliant, superintelligent,
clever, witty, dynamic, innovative, or else they do not deserve to stand in
front of an audience and talk. As a result, either you avoid speaking or your
talk is top heavy with facts, statistics, attempts at inspiring
generalizations, and huff-and-puff.
How unnecessary! Just use the TalkPower formula
(the innovative concentration exercises, the focusing and stress reduction
techniques), tell stories, look away from your script at the audience from time
to time, handling yourself in a leader-like manner… In other words, be likable, and you will be a huge success!For the TalkPower formula see the kindle book or attend one of the in-person TalkPower workshops
www.talkpowerinc.com
TalkPower Kindle
Friday, August 21, 2015
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Where to Look
Should you make direct eye contact with the audience before
you begin speaking? The answer, you might be surprised to learn, is no.
Making eye contact (which means having a nonverbal eye to
eye conversation) distracts you at a time when you need your concentration to
focus on your first words, your adjustment to this high visibility, the
strangeness of the distance between yourself and the audience, your rapid heartbeat,
and the general shock of the performance situation. You need time, about 30
seconds or even more, to get used to all of this.
ADJUSTING TO THE AUDIENCE:
The next phase involves your awareness of the audience, so
that you can slip into an easy and comfortable relationship with them. This
will happen automatically if you stand still when you first face your audience.
You don’t have to do a thing except squeeze your toes three times slowly before
you speak your first words. This phase is enormously important. If you do it
correctly you will feel very much in control.
WHERE TO LOOK:
Look straight ahead at the faces in your audience, perhaps
at their foreheads or even their hair. Look neither too high above their heads,
nor so low that you appear to be looking at the floor. Making eye contact is
not necessary because if the audience looks into your eyes and you are looking
at their faces, you will feel as if you are making eye contact. The necessity
for direct eye contact is a myth. For example, when you go to the movies and
become involved with the story you laugh, you cry, you may become terrified,
yet none of the actors in the screen make eye contact with you. In the same
sense, when you are speaking, in is not necessary for you to look into the eyes
of your audience for them to feel involved with you. Just don’t look above or
below their faces. After two or three minutes have passed, and you feel you
have established yourself in front of your audience and your presentation is
flowing, you may choose to make direct eye contact with one or several of the
members in your audience, as long as it does not disturb your concentration. Do
what feels comfortable to you.
While keeping your gaze at the face level of your audience,
do not fix anyone with a prolonged stare. Actively staring into the eyes of
your audience implies that you are perusing them “Do you like me? Is this
good?” Don’t look for approval. The audience looks to you for leadership. Lead!
SCANNING THE ROOM:
When you fist stand in front of your audience, please—do not
mechanically scan the room, moving your head from right to left as if your eyes
where great flood lights emanating from a controlled tower. This is extremely
awkward and looks unnatural. Instead, as I have just said, when you first stand
in front of an audience, before you begin to speak, be as still as possible and
look straight ahead in the general direction of their faces. A smile is nice,
but it isn’t essential. If you can smile a small smile, smile. If you want the
complete attention of the audience, your physical stillness, rather than your
physical activity, will make this happen.
As your speech progresses and you become more comfortable,
from time to time, you can move your head slowly, looking at your audience to
the left or right. Once again, naturalness and comfort should decide when and
if you look at various people in the room. If at first this pose seems stiff and
robotic, do not change back to your old nervous behavior. Eventually, you will
relax into physical stillness so that you feel comfortable and empowered.
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Facing the Audience
When you first face the audience you will feel a slight
shock. It is in this moment that you shift from being a private person to
relating to the audience. A few seconds of silence before you speak will help
you to make this transition. The silence now allows an introductory process to
begin so that you and your audience can tune into one another.
On the other hand, if you start speaking immediately, you
will be skipping a very important step. Imagine meeting a new person and
launching right into a conversation instead of introducing yourself and shaking
hands. This behavior is just as awkward as facing your audience and starting
your talk without an initial pause.
A good way to do this is to stand still, face your audience,
and slowly squeeze your toes thee times before you say the first words of your
speech. This gives the audience time to focus their complete attention on you.
Monday, August 17, 2015
Sunday, August 16, 2015
Public Speaking Phobia Acquired Later in Life
I used to love
speaking in public and I don’t know what happened but for the last three years,
whenever an opportunity comes up when I have to make a comment, address a
group, or ask a question at a meeting, at that precise moment all of my brain
functions jam. And there I am, hopeless, shamed…I fee like a victim in front of
a firing squad.
-Erwin, accountant
Some 70 percent of my
students and clients recall that from early childhood they were shy and didn’t
speak up, the other 30 percent who suffer from public speaking phobia had a
different story. These people were once excellent speakers. Generally outgoing,
they were active in drama and debate clubs, were class valedictorian or
presidents of class societies.
They all report that one day their ability to speak in
public vanished and they had abandon all opportunities. Behavioral psychology
tells us that phobias happen after a traumatic event—usually an experience that
shakes the individual to his/her core—like a psychological near death
experience. This could be as serious as a terrible car accident, sudden death
of a loved one, a natural disaster, and experience in combat, acts of
terrorism, rape, etc. Oddly enough, experiences that one can consider rather
benign can also produce such an effect. For example, going away to college,
moving to a new community, losing a job, etc. although these events are no
where as near as life threatening as those in the previous list, with certain
individuals they can fall under the category of traumatic events. As a result one
sense of personal control and safety is utterly shattered at the deepest level
of self, resulting in Post Traumatic
Stress Syndrome. The stress reaction can appear immediately or up to two
years after the traumatic event. No matter what the cause, or the variety or
precipitating events, the result can be a phobia, such as fears of flying,
driving, fear of heights, or enclosed spaces. The phobia triggered by a
particular event can them generalize to other areas, such as fear of escalators
or trains, or a sudden panic attack in front of an audience.
The panic attack causes an episode of thought blocking and
becomes another traumatic event that will not be forgotten. The next time an
opportunity for speaking arises you are psychologically transported to the
past—and that moment when you are speechless. You simply cannot do it; you
decline with some excuse. One avoidant excuse leads to another, and in a very
short time you have glossophobia, an irrational fear of speaking in public.
Friday, August 14, 2015
Shame
I feel very
damaged…like I have a major handicap when I stand in front of other people and
have to speak. I am like a non-person.
-Arthur
Trapped---Silent---blaming themselves, phobic speakers hide
among us. Millions of people are so afraid of public exposure that they invent
the most bizarre excuses to avoid speaking in public. Accidents, dead
relatives, illnesses, robberies, and cutting class, serve to avoid the dreadful
task. These people have a common despair, yet do not know one another and have
no idea that so many others suffer as they do. Many other groups come out,
talking openly about their problems. People in 12 step programs, for example,
find support and dignity by telling their stories. They have learned the
healing power of sharing and do not avoid speaking out. However, those with
public speaking phobia would be horrified by the idea, they have a terrible
need for secrecy. Memories of past denigration are so painful that they are
paralyzed by shame. Avoiding the natural
impulse to reach out, they do not ask for help. Embarrassed they withdraw and
remain silent.
Donald, a workshop participant, introduced himself as a
nuclear engineer. He mentioned that he had an identical twin brother. Donald’s
fear of public speaking was so intense that he found himself literally hiding
from his manager on the days of the month when summary presentations were made.
Later when I asked if his brother had the same problem, Donald said he did not
know. So deep was his shame that he had never even shared his problem with his
twin brother.
This story is typical. To avoid public speaking speech
phobic clients turn down jobs, promotions, invitations to chair meetings, to
teach, to make a toast, even to accept an award. One CEO of a major corporation
told me sadly that he had been invited to speak all over the world but could
never go. Another man fainted when he was nominated for prestigious award. So
terrible was his anxiety about standing up to receive his award in public.
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